Making Hard Apple Cider Using Store Bought Apple Juice
February 20, 2012 | 
Author For the home brewing enthusiast interested in brewing apple cider, but who finds themselves located away from a fresh source for orchard milled juice, you will be glad to know that there are other sources for your must. You can make hard apple cider using store bought juice. Store bought juice is a fair replacement for freshly milled juice, as long as it does not contain preservatives. 100% pure juice is best suited to this application, and pasteurized juice may also be preferred, since this process eliminates bacteria or unwanted yeasts that may be present in the juice. I personally used filtered, pasteurized juice from cans, with very decent results! Of course, yeast needed to be added to ferment the juice, as did a good amount of sugar to reach the alcoholic level I was going for, but a decent level can be achieved without the addition of sugars.
Here is the method I used for 5 gallons, which resulted in a slow fermenting, dry, still cider:
1. Purchase enough cans of Juice for 5 gallons (I purchased 15 cans, which were on sale for $0.99)
2. Pour the cans into a primary fermentation vessel
3. Inoculate with a white wine yeast. I added the yeast dry, but you may want to start the process by following the yeast preparation procedure on the package. There is no need to sterilize the juice with campden tablets if it is pasteurized.
4. Allow a few days to a week for the vigorous bubbling ferment to start and settle.
5. Transfer the liquid into the secondary fermentation vessel and fit with an air lock.
6. Keep the fermenting cider in a cool, dark place with little disturbance and let the juice continue to ferment until dry (when the bubbles stop).
7. Rack into another vessel or bottle after 30 days.
8. Let the cider age for 6 months to a year.
This isn’t exactly the best procedure for brewing cider, and the initial results showed. I began giving samples to friends and relatives to very little good response. I thought my efforts had failed me, so I left the cider to sit quietly away from harsh criticism and up turned noses. It wasn’t until approximately a year after I had racked the cider into a keeping vessel that I decided to try the cider again. This tasting proved to be much better than before, and I began sharing once again. To my delight, I began receiving requests for bottles of this cider, reminding some of Boone’s Farm Wine, a fact that I am very proud of.
Because of the clarity of the filtered, pasteurized juice, the resulting cider was quite clear, without the use of clearing agents or filtering of the finished product. The only clearing procedure was the racking off after thirty days, and allowing other particles to settle for the year. I’m sure by using a better procedure one could achieve superior results, but I am quite happy with my results of making apple cider with store bought juice.
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Elderberry Wine
Wine has for many years been made from the fermentation of grapes. In recent times however, other ingredients that have naturally occurring starch, enzymes and other nutrients are gaining popularity in the production of wine. Other than apples and elderberries that are been fermented with yeast for purposes of converting their sugars into alcohol, barley and rice are all the same gaining popularity in these productions. These drinks have their old history in countries like South Africa, California and Greece.
Elderberry wine, is considered to be one of the most sweet flavored fermented and alcoholic fruit drinks. It however has got a lower alcoholic concentration and furthermore, it is sweeter than most of the other alcoholic drinks. To make it more appealing to the taste, you could consider mixing the berries with some strawberries, since they both contain the right amount of natural substances that give you the right taste.
The fruits that make this drink come from a shrub that grows in the wild and which is more productive in mid-summer. It does well in moist land and in areas that are fertile, those that have rich soils. The fruits are blue and black, and for the best tasting drink, you should prepare them while they are raw. Do not cook them.
The elderberry wine requires that you choose the berries depending on the results you want to get. You can choose to use the fresh fruits or those that are dried. Either way, wash them in fresh water and mash them, with your hands protected. As for the color, remember that it gets better if you ferment and store the drink in a dark place.
Top 5 Reasons to Visit France
With over 80 million tourists a year, France is the most visited country in the world. Here are the top five reasons why people from all over the world visit France – the very same reasons you should be planning your own French holidays, too.
1. The Most Romantic Place on Earth
France arguably has more romantic spots than anywhere else in the world. These include stunning gardens such as the world-famous gardens of Versailles, where kings and queens once walked, the gardens of Latour-Marliac in Giverny, which provided the inspiration for one of Claude Monet’s most famous paintings and the Loire Valley, which, with all its golden sunflowers, is a huge garden in itself – all of which are perfect places for a stroll with your loved one. There are also many fairy tale castles for you to tour, such as the Chateau de Chambord, Cheverny Castle and Fontainebleau Castle and you can even spend the night in one if you like.
Of course, you should also spend some time in Paris when you visit France on a romantic getaway. After all, the city is synonymous with romance. Savor the breathtaking views from the top of the Eiffel Tower, walk hand in hand along the Seine – while stealing a French kiss or two, or simply sit side by side in a small cafe and watch the city go by.
2. Gourmet Dining
It is a well-known fact that French cuisine is one of the world’s most popular cuisines, as well as one of the most refined. True, you can easily find a French restaurant in many corners of the world, but nothing still compares to eating fois gras, coq au vin, ratatouille, bouillabaisse, souffle, eclairs or ganache in one of the best restaurants in France. For a truly gourmet dining experience, reserve a table at one of the country’s Michelin three-starred restaurants, like Guy Savoy, Le Meurice or Plaza Athenee.
Be sure to order wine with your meal, since France also produces the best wines – whether red, white, or sparkling wines. You can also visit various wine estates and cellars during your French holidays in the regions of Bordeaux, Burgundy and Champagne so you can see how wines are made while treating your tastebuds to a wine-tasting escapade. And if you like cognac, you should try it at the town where it originated.
3. World-Class Art Museums
France is home to the Louvre, the world’s most famous museum, which, in turn, is home to over 30,000 priceless works of art. Its collection of paintings is the most impressive, containing masterpieces by the likes of Leonardo da Vinci, Raphael, Caravaggio and Rembrandt, although it also has various sculptures and artifacts from ancient Egypt and Greece. Aside from the Louvre, you should also drop by the Musee d’Orsay, which houses Monet and Renoir masterpieces among others, as well as the Musée National d’Art Moderne at the Centre Georges Pompidou, when you visit France. You can view exceptional works of art at the Palace of Versailles, too, and in many galleries outside Paris such as the Musee d’Unterlinden in Colmar.
4. Shopping
For the ultimate shopping experience, you should definitely come visit France. You will find many fashionable shops on the streets of Paris, particularly world-famous boutiques selling the best and latest in shoes, bags and clothes and fashion accessories. The specialty food shops are just as popular, such as the pastry and cheese shops, although you won’t be able to bring these home as souvenirs. For more unique finds and better bargains, don’t be afraid to try the Saint Ouen Flea Market and other flea markets in Paris and other cities, though you should be mindful to come early and be on guard against pickpockets.
5. Beautiful Beaches
Many tourists visit France for its beaches, and why not, when its beaches offer fine sands, sparkling Mediterranean waters, spectacular scenery and great facilities? Most of the fine beaches in France can be found on the Cote d’Azur or the French Riviera, particularly near the cities of Cannes and Nice, such as the St. Tropez Beach and the Villefranche sur Mer, although you can also find great beaches on the coasts of Brittany and Normandy, as well as on the Atlantic coast, like Biarritz.
How to Properly Sanitize Your Baby’s Bottles
When cleaning your baby’s bottles, have you ever wondered why you should sterilize them? It’s actually really important to properly sterilize your baby’s bottles to keep him or her healthy. Most people assume that bottles just bought from the store are clean. They’ve never been used, why wouldn’t they be clean? They actually aren’t clean, because during the process of making the bottles and nipples, they are coated in all types of different chemicals. After that, they are packaged by people, sent to stores, and then stocked on the shelves by people. Who knows what these people may have touched before they touched your child’s bottle?
Another important reason to sterilize your infant’s bottles properly is bacteria. Have you ever forgotten about a bottle in the diaper bag, or had to leave one in there dirty until you got home to wash it? Well, here is something that is going to terrify you. Bacteria can grow in these bottles very easily, due to the milk particles left in the bottle, the warmth inside of the bottle, and the dampness inside. If you just give these bottles a quick wash before feeding your child, there is a chance that your baby could develop a bacterial infection. Aaaaghhh! All from a bottle? Unfortunately, yes. Here are some tips to help you sterilize your baby’s bottles.
Gather all of the bottles you will be sterilizing. Fill a pot about halfway to three fourths full and put it on to boil. Make sure to take apart all the pieces of the bottles, including removing the nipple from the top of the bottle. (Bacteria love it in here!) Wash these bottles in warm, soapy water. Make sure to use a nipple and bottle brush to get all the way in there. After rinsing, your water should be boiling. Make sure you have a pair of tongs or something similar that you can use to remove the bottles when they have been sterilized. Drop two or three bottles and pieces into the boiling water at one time. Allow them to boil for about three to five minutes, and then remove them. You can set them in a strainer or dish drainer to cool, and then dry them with a clean towel or paper towel.
If you’re able to wash your baby’s bottles directly after you are finished with the feeding, you shouldn’t have to sterilize the bottles every time you want to use them. If they have been dirty for a couple of hours, though, it’s a good idea to go ahead and sterilize them. Feeding your baby is a bonding experience and a special time. You don’t want to be wondering if the bottle you are feeding him or her with is truly clean enough! Following these tips will ensure that your baby’s bottles are clean and sterilized, and give you peace of mind!
Christianity and Tattoos
A man who owns a tattoo shop located downtown contacted me. More about him in a moment.
After reading his response, I couldn’t seem to get the subject of tattoos and body piercings out of my head. I recalled a British minister – a man in his late 50′s at the time – testifying that the Lord had directed him to pierce an ear in the fashion of the bond servant referred to by the apostle Paul. Such a servant would have his ear pierced his master as a sign that he would serve him forever. When this minister obeyed, he claimed that many more young people were attending his meetings as a result.
After a class I was teaching, an attendee mentioned to me that his Christian son showed up on a construction site where he encountered a heavily-tattooed man. The Christian struck up a conversation with the tattooed man who commented that he was surprised that he spoke to him as hardly anyone every did so. He believed this was because of all his tattoos, giving the Christian the in-road to minister to him.
I remembered a Christian biker preaching from the pulpit, his Popeye forearms covered with tattoos as he spoke, and how the young guys flocked around him to talk afterward.
MAN LOOKS AT THE OUTSIDE. GOD LOOKS AT THE HEART.
Getting a tattoo is all the rage these days, and many Christian are trying to decide if they should get a tattoo or not. To tattoo or not to tattoo? THAT is the question.
What does the Bible say? Many Christians will quote Leviticus 19:28 as support to their claim that Christians should never get a tattoo: “Ye shall not make any cuttings in your flesh for the dead, nor print any marks upon you: I am the LORD.” – Leviticus 19:28. Can one believe that Jesus is Lord and that He came to save the world through grace and love and still accept this verse as applicable to us today? It sounds harsh, but it’s true. Why? The answer is simple. Christ gave us a New Law, one that supersedes Old Testament Laws like this one in Leviticus.
Oddly, proponents of this verse neglect to consider some other verses in that same book, Chapter 19. There’s verse 9, that says: “When you reap the harvest of your land, do not reap to the very edges of your field or gather the gleanings of your harvest.” Verse 19 reads: “Do not plant your field with two kinds of seed. Do not wear clothing woven of two kinds of material.” Verse 26: “Do not eat any meat with the blood still in it.” Verse 27: “Do not cut the hair at the sides of your head or clip off the edges of your beard.” Verse 28: “Do not cut your bodies for the dead or put tattoo marks on yourselves. I am the Lord.”
As you can see, many of the other rules laid out in Leviticus are not followed today. This does not mean that the whole book of Leviticus, or even the Bible itself, should not be followed. It just means that we need to carefully analyze what the theme of the Bible is, and realize what it means for us today.
The book of Leviticus contains laws intended to keep the children of Israel healthy and holy for God. Tattoos were extremely dangerous and could result in injury, disease, or death. The verse also refers to a pagan ritual of putting tattoo marks on oneself for the dead, in order to protect oneself from the spirit world and the wrath of other gods.
Many Christians do not fully understand the saving grace that was given to us through the humanity and death of our Lord, Jesus Christ. We are under a new covenant where His sacrifice covers our sins in a different way than the old Levitical laws did, which is seen in the letter to Hebrews which states: “But the ministry Jesus has received is as superior to theirs as the covenant of which he is mediator is superior to the old one, and it is founded on better promises. For if there had been nothing wrong with that first covenant, no place would have been sought for another,” Hebrews 8:6-7.
Now, this does not give us license to sin (we don’t need one for we will all sin anyway; it’s what we do). We are still responsible for our behavior and how it affects our spiritual lives and the lives of others. For example, the letter to the Romans states: “Do not destroy the work of God for the sake of food. All food is clean, but it is wrong for a man to eat anything that causes someone else to stumble. It is better not to eat meat or drink wine or to do anything else that will cause your brother to fall.” -Romans 14:20-21.
From this we can see that it is important to think carefully through all of the effects that getting a tattoo can have on oneself, on our relationships, and on one’s future. For some this may mean that getting a tattoo will increase their ability to witness to others, while in other communities having a tattoo would greatly diminish this ability.
SHOULD A CHRISTIAN GET A TATTOO?
The conclusion then is that there may not be an answer to “Should Christians get tattoos?” Each of us may have to answer this question for ourselves after taking time to think and pray about it. But, let’s be careful not to shun those who have sell or display tattoos, or make the blanket statement that they can’t be a Christian because they have a tattoo. To do this would be “destroy the work of God” instead of taking time to reach the lost. The burden lies with those Christians who choose to get a tattoo. They need to prove to their critics that their faith is based on more than just tattoos; it is supported by good works as well. And they must pray as often as possible that divisive but trivial issues (such as body art) are cast aside in favor of more pressing problems: inequality, hunger, Christian unity and spreading the Good News.
Here are some verses that display at least an acknowledgement of religious markings:
“And it shall be to you as a sign on your hand and as a memorial between your eyes, that the law of the LORD may be in your mouth.” -Exodus 13:9
“It shall be as a mark on your hand or frontlets between your eyes; for by a strong hand the LORD brought us out of Egypt.” -Exodus 13:16
In these two quotes from Exodus, God is telling his people that while many – especially pagans – use tattoos and religious totems, He will give the Jews something greater: a celebration of the day they were saved and brought out of Egypt. For the Jews, this will be their unique mark. This seems to contradict our position. However, the verses show that tattoos were a normal aspect of society. God never tells the people that tattooing is wrong or immoral. He doesn’t even say that they need to stop doing it. He only tells them that He will make them different than all others through their celebrations.
“This one will say, ‘I am the LORD’s,’ another will call himself by the name of Jacob, and another will write on his hand,
‘The Lord’s,’ and surname himself by the name of Israel.” -Isaiah 44:5
“Behold, I have graven you on the palms of my hands; your walls are continually before me.” -Isaiah 49:16
Here Isaiah is speaking God’s word to the more conscious minorities of Israel who, during their exile, are worried about becoming lost amidst the pagans of Babylon. Through Isaiah, God reminds His people that he will never forget them because He loves them, and as proof that He will never abandon them, He tells the Jews that He has graven [carved into...written permanently] on his hands a reminder to save them.
“And the LORD said to him, ‘Go through the city, through Jerusalem, and put a mark upon the foreheads of the men who sigh and groan over all the abominations that are committed in it’.” -Ezekiel 9:4
The mark in this verse refers to the letter “T” or the Hebrew letter “Tau,” which appears as the shape of a cross, and which was painted in lamb’s blood on the door posts to save the “remnant” of Israel when God wiped out all the first born of Egypt during the last plague. In this instance, the mark will be placed upon believers who are saddened by the sins committed in Jerusalem.
“Henceforth let no man trouble me; for I bear on my body the brand marks of Jesus.” -Galatians 6:17
Here, Paul is likely discussing the beatings and punishments he endured for the sake of the Gospel of Christ (see 2 Cor. 11:24-28). This is a pointed jab at those who believe they are justified by other marks, that is, circumcision. Undeniable, though, is the tattoo imagery. Brand marks are what Roman slave owners tattooed on their chattel to display ownership.
“Then I saw another angel ascend from the rising of the sun, with the seal of the living God, and he called with a loud voice to the four angels who had been given power to harm earth and sea, saying, ‘Do not harm the earth or the sea or the trees, till we have sealed the servants of our God upon their foreheads.’” -Revelation 7:2-3
“On his robe and on his thigh he has a name inscribed, King of kings and Lord of lords.” -Revelation 19:16
This last verse from Revelation is part of John’s prophecy about the destruction of the Roman Empire and the heretofore-invincible Roman armies. The verse shows Christ as the “Master of the Universe” whose Name, which is the Word of God (and, in essence, everything), is more than just a title on a royal garment. Instead, it is something that belongs to Jesus alone and is intrinsically linked to He who is Lord of all…through a unique marking on his body.
Again, I want to stress that these verses do not show that God endorses tattoos but that tattoos were an accepted part of society during the biblical era and that there is little evidence to show that God explicitly disapproves of such body art.
USING THE VEHICLES OF EVANGELISM
Finally, it’s important that Christians realize that Jesus doesn’t want us to hide our faith or keep our faith to ourselves. Just the opposite. He commands us to do everything within our power to let our brothers and sisters know the one true Word, Jesus Christ.
“Go, therefore, and make disciples from all the nations.” -Matthew 28:19
“What I tell you in the dark, utter in the light; and what you hear whispered, proclaim upon the housetops.” -Matthew 10:27
In fact, even if we wanted to keep it to ourselves (for selfish reasons or for fear of persecution), once the Spirit moves us, we can longer keep silent:
“No one after lighting a lamp puts it in a cellar or under a bushel, but on a stand, that those who enter may see the light.”-Luke 11:33
So, whether we choose eMail messages or tattoos, God, through the Holy Spirit, lets us discover the different and dynamic ways we let others know about Him. One thing is certain, though: as Christians, we need to fully proclaim our beliefs, every day of our lives.
It is beyond doubt that tattoos are NOT sinful and that Christians expressing their faith with some ink under their skin have NOT succumbed to Satan’s wiles (at least, not because of the tattoos). Yet, let us remember that just because we are allowed to be tattooed, doesn’t mean that this is what is best for everyone. Paul tells us that we need to be careful that our actions do not lead others away from the faith:
“Do not, for the sake of food, destroy the work of God. Everything is indeed clean, but it is wrong for any one to make others fall by what he eats; it is right not to eat meat or drink wine or do anything that makes your brother stumble.” -Romans 14:20-21
With that in mind, let us pray that, through the intercession of the Holy Spirit, each of us may understand God’s intention for us, and whether or not that calling includes some permanent ink under our skin.
There you have it. The question regarding one’s motives can only be answered between the individual and their God.
THE REST OF THE STORY…
By the way, the owner of that tattoo shop testified to me that, after his wife left him, he sought desperately to find God. One miraculous day, the couple reconciled. Within hours, he had a terrible roll-over that left his vehicle flattened down to the steering wheel. Miraculously, he walked away without a scratch. Since then, both sets of parents, siblings and other relatives have since chosen to follow Jesus, some have been baptized and he is now seeking training for the ministry. He writes, “I want to preach! I have fought it for 20 something years. Real men love Jesus and stand up boldly to proclaim God’s love and grace, and good news! So, I will be the first to want to say GOD DOES INDEED ANSWER PRAYER! As far as your question of where are all the bold Christians? Here I am…..let me preach!”
Friends, whether it’s a tattoo shop, a bar or an adult book store, God sent His only Son to die for those who own, frequent or work in these places. He is simply big enough not to be moved by what goes on inside a specific location! He can be trusted and He loves the owners of such establishments enough to do whatever it takes to save them.
Do we have the compassion to pray for their salvation – or do we venomously curse them as we pass by and even pray for their downfall?
How To Create A Mini Wine Cellar In A Closet
When you are passionate about wine you begin collecting it … and when you begin collecting it you need a place to store it.
A closet can easily be turned into a mini wine cellar to store your growing wine collection.
Before you construct your wine cellar consider the position of the closet in relation to the rest of the house.
Avoid converting a closet against an outside wall into a wine cellar. The outside walls of your house or apartment can be subject to wide fluctuations in temperature. Choose an internal closet where your wine can be stored in a more stable atmosphere.
The degree and the speed of the temperature change are critical to successfully storing and aging wine. A gradual change of a few degrees between summer and winter won’t matter. The same change each day will harm your wines by ageing them too rapidly.
The most important rule when storing wine is to avoid large temperature changes or fluctuations. You’ll notice damage of this nature straight away from the sticky deposit that often forms around the capsule. Over time the continual expansion and contraction of the wine will damage the integrity of the cork. It’s like having the cork pulled in and out again every day. When this happens, minute quantities of wine may be pushed out along the edge of the cork (between the cork and the bottle neck) allowing air to seep back in. Once the air is in contact with your wine the irreversible process of oxidation begins and your wine is ruined.
At 55º to 58ºF the wine will age properly, enabling it to fully develop. Higher temperatures will age wine more rapidly and cooler temperatures will slow down the ageing process. Irreversible damage will be done if your wine is kept at a temperature above 82ºF for even a month.
The most difficult part of converting a closet to a wine cellar can be finding other places to store the original contents of the closet! Be ruthless … sell / give away / move all the present contents and start with a blank slate!
Purchase some inexpensive wine racks from a hardware store, online retailer or storage shop and you’ll have a simple but very effective mini wine cellar.
Wine rack designs will vary in bottle density; Price variations are more to do with aesthetics than efficiency.
Individual racking is the most convenient for selecting bottles. If you have racks against only one wall of the closet you may still have floor or shelf space available for wines that you purchase by the case.
How Can I View My Wife’s Deleted Text Messages?
You have a nagging suspicion that your wife is texting some guy, but her text messages are deleted every time you get the chance to look at her cellular phone. Unfortunately, this is an all-too-common scenario — cell phones are a blessing in some areas, but they make it very easy for uncommitted partners to hide their extramarital activities. While there is a chance that she isn’t communicating with another guy in an improper manner, you can’t shake the feeling that she is, and you just want to see what it is that she’s been writing and receiving on her cell phone. The best way to view deleted text messages on a cell phone is by using a cell-phone forensics service.
Recovering deleted text messages from a cellular telephone or mobile device is relatively easy, at least for a for a data recovery specialist. The technology is the same type that is used to recover lost or deleted data from computers, but instead it is applied to cell phones and hand-held mobile devices.
Even though there’s not much good about your situation if you think that your significant other is carrying on with another man in an improper way, there is a silver lining to using a cellular telephone forensics service. While you will be able to recover deleted text messages, you can also recover other data that has been removed from her cell phone as well. This information can include deleted pictures, old contacts, email addresses, caller-id history, and deleted videos if her cell phone supports video captures or storage. If she is texting another man, there’s a good chance that she’s also engaged in other types of communication using her cell phone, and a cell-phone forensics specialist will help you to recover that deleted data.
Another positive aspect of using a mobile phone forensics specialist to recover deleted text messages is that they are equipped to analyze just about any type of mobile or hand-held device. From older-style cell phones to Blackberrys, PDAs, to today’s latest mobile computer that doubles as a standard cell phone. Really, today’s cell phones are more like mini computers than they are what we would have considered a cell phone even a few years back. If you want to successfully recover those deleted text messages, you need to use a service that is familiar with the changing technologies, and a mobile phone forensics expert is one of the few who can do this.
It’s unfortunate that you suspect that your wife may be carrying on in an improper manner with another man, but there is a way to retrieve her deleted text messages. A cell phone forensics specialist will be able to help you recover those messages so that you can put your nagging suspicions to rest once and for all.
An Introduction To Innovation
Innovation is a natural tendency of the human mind to thrive on variety, regardless of the activity involved. All the man-made changes that the world has witnessed are a result of this tendency to look for something different. The urge to try something else is a prominent human characteristic. When properly directed, this urge can have results that enhance the quality of an activity. A positive outcome of this urge to be different is called innovation. There is no end to the new ideas in the world, but when these ideas create value, it becomes innovation. Often enough, it is the application of existing knowledge in a different manner that stands out as an innovative idea. Usually, one idea gives birth to the next and new technologies, processes and methods come into being. Being innovative involves a lot of risks. Only a person who is willing to go out on limb is capable of being innovative. Good ideas are of no use unless they are implemented, and implementation in a new way always attracts criticism. It is only by being optimistic in the face of odds that an individual stands a chance of achieving something unique.
At times, innovation is done by taking an existing idea, concept or product and improving upon it. However what is more remarkable is to be able to think beyond what already exists, and coming up with a brand new concept. Mankind has come this far by riding on the benefits of innovative ideas through the ages. It is the problems that people encounter that cause a solution to be sought. Of course there have always been the gifted few who can go beyond the mundane and come up with brilliant visions. Great scientific inventions that we now take for granted are products of the innovative ideas of great minds.
Quick Laughs – The Best Short Jokes
Humor is a good way to break the ice, and short jokes are particularly effective as they are easy to tell and easy to remember. Below are some of the best short jokes ever, from the silly to the sophisticated.
Love thy neighbor all through the day… But first make sure her husband’s away.
In the 1st year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the 2nd year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the 3rd year, they both speak and the neighbors listen. A man tells his wife that a man is like a fine wine; he always gets better with age. The next day, she locks him in the wine cellar.
There’s a couple lying in bed. The man says, “I’m gonna make you the happiest woman in the world!” The woman answers, “I’ll miss you.”
A wife tells her husband, “Give me some money; I want to buy a bra.” The husband replies, “What for? You have nothing to put in it!” Then the wife says, “But you wear shorts!”
A husband says to his wife, “When I’m gone, you’ll never find another man like me.” The wife answers, “Why would I want another man like you?”
A husband tells his wife, “You know, our son got his brain from me.” The wife says, “You’re probably right. I still have mine with me.”
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.
How do you keep a fool in suspense? “I’ll tell you later.”
Why was the blonde staring at a container of orange juice? Because it said, “concentrate.”
A guy walks into a video store and says, “Can I have ‘Batman Forever?’” And the store clerk says, “No, you have to bring it back tomorrow.”
What’s the difference between chopped liver and pea soup? Anyone can chop liver, but not everyone can pee soup.
Light can travel faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear them talk.
A patient says, “Doctor, I think I’m a bell.” The doctor says, “Take these pills. If they don’t work, give me a ring.”
“Doctor, you have a patient here who thinks he’s invisible.” The doctor replies, “Tell him I can’t see him.”
“Doctor, I have a problem with my memory.” The doctor asks, “When did it start?” The patient says, “When did what start?”
“Doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains.” The doctor says, “Pull yourself together!”
A man calls emergency; “Come quickly,” he says, “my little son swallowed a condom!” 5 minutes later, he calls back, “Its okay, I found another one.”
Hopefully, this list of the best short jokes will keep the laughs coming as quickly as they are told. In conclusion, here are 2 more short jokes and one really long joke: Joke. Joke. Joooooooooooookkkkkkkkkkkkkkke!
Decorating The Porch For Fall
With the fall season just around the corner, now is the perfect time to be looking for those special decorating accents to bring the fall theme into your outdoor room. Don’t worry that you do not have enough room to decorate, even very small porch spaces can benefit from the addition of a few fall themed accessories. You can even just decorate your front door with a wreath made of a variety of fall leaves or dried corn to give a special seasonal touch.
When putting together a fall theme, start with a focus on color. Look for fall themed colors like shades of oranges, yellows, reds, and earth tones. Choose accessories in the pumpkin shades of orange and look for items and colors that mirror the colors of the changing leaves. Fall decorating does not have to be only Halloween themes either. Hay bales, collections of apples, gourds, dried corn or even dried twigs can make a festive fall display.
Check out your dollar store for inexpensive fall decor. You can find lots of great fall themed wreaths, hanging pots, colored planters, and fall colored silk leaves and stems. Arrange them in vases or planters for a great looking display. To get more ideas to spark your creativity, visit your local craft stores and browse their displays.
Use natural elements from nature. Go for a walk and gather pinecones and a variety of branches to design your own wreaths and centerpieces. Try to add a variety of textures and heights to make the display more interesting. Mix and match items to create more interesting designs.
Get more mileage out of your current accessories by placing your fall items on top of them. For example, put your plants on the ground and place small pumpkins on the plant stands. Use pumpkins to line your front porch steps or even your fence.
With just a few themed items you can bring a fall theme to your decor. Have fun with your decorating!